It’s that time again! Time to nurture positive habits for 30-odd days then forget all about them for several months until November rolls around.
In the spirit of productivity, I do have a bunch of routines to get back into, lots of stuff to write and read and some things to edit. I’m optimistic about this month. I also have a bunch of Open University stuff to get through and a new module to choose, some volunteering opportunities to explore and more sessions with my psychologist and occupational therapist. There’s no doubt in my mind that I am moving forwards at last.
No longer am I stressing about writing for publication, or writing full time. I know, now, that writing as a career is a long shot and that I need a security net to fall back on. It took me a while, but I found that insight at long last. I’m writing for the right reasons now, despite still struggling with focus and concentration levels. I still get tempted by new ideas but I’m more realistic. I spent weeks and months building characters and worlds and I know that changing to a new idea will just set me back.
Camp NaNo is a good opportunity and it has, once again, come at the right time. I have lots of writing projects underway at the moment, but the main one remains the Japan-inspired fantasy. It gives me headaches. I get so fixated on details, and to do that about details I have no knowledge of… well that’s a pain unlike anything else. I stress about what trees one might expect. I stress about birds, insects, clothes, armour. What are horses used for? Are they different to Western horses? What does a medieval Japanese city sound like? Smell like? Look like? A lot of this can be discovered through research but that doesn’t negate the sheer volume of information I feel like I need to retain.
Alas, I digress. The point is simple: I’m trying to be optimistic and productive. I’m trying to be realistic and efficient. I’m trying to find the courage to take risks. My writing is no longer a central source of stress. I’m just taking it as it comes and writing what inspires me, and I’m enjoying it. Sooner or later, something will click and I’ll produce the story that matters.