They are all of them agents of the Beast. I thought I had escaped major distractions when the Pandaren came to Azeroth, instead, now I find myself thoroughly invested in the plight of Tyria. Though Guild Wars 2 is highly superior and much more enjoyable, I find myself again on a quest to rediscover my won’t-power.
I’ve not posted anything in somewhat longer than I had originally intended, but having recently changed my circumstances and more recently come down with a case of man flu, updating this blog has become a secondary thing.
Sadly, I experienced my first real rejection recently, upon learning, much to my surprise, that I had not made it through to the 2nd round of the ABNA. Why, I can’t really say, and I suppose there could be any number of reasons. All I know is, the decision was made based on my pitch, and pitching has never been my strong suit. But it could still have been anything. Anyway, I was disappointed, upset and a little frustrated, and whilst one can always expect to experience rejection in this line of work, dealing with it is never easy. Being held back on the path to your dreams is no easy thing to conquer, but all we can do is keep on keeping on. I can build a ladder, or dig a hole, I can take a hammer to the wall and smash my way through or I can walk for miles until I find a way around, the only thing that matters is not letting the obstacle beat you. This, I do not intend to do. My 2nd draft is under way, so I intend to keep polishing and improving and hope that I come to enjoy better success with my eventual final draft.
Making all these changes is going to be a big undertaking, only 60 or so pages in so far and there’s already more red text than black, but it’s easy to see the writing growing tighter just by removing adverbs, using stronger adjectives, endeavouring always to find the right word, restructuring and rewording lengthy sentences, fixing clumsy sentences and so on and so forth. It’s all part of the fun.
It’s been a fairly quiet life for me, trundling from one point to another, not really knowing how I could achieve what I most wanted in life, but now, things are coming together slowly, pieces of the puzzle are meeting and connecting but still, I find the words I need to properly express just how much this part of my life has effected me is not easy.
Words are a wonderful tool, but they just don’t properly do the job sometimes, in moments of great joy or great sorrow, exclamation or horror. As a wordsmith, it’s my job to craft them and mould them and have them do my bidding, so it saddens me sometimes, to know that words just aren’t enough. But with the shoe on the other foot, I’m beginning to see that words need only do so much, emotion and imagination can fill in the gaps, of course. I once relied so heavily on them, and struggled so hard to find them, to express myself, but now I find that not looking for them, not allowing them to be insufficient or to disappoint me is opening new avenues for word play and a sense of composure when crafting scenes and building characters. Yes, words fail us from time to time, and whilst a picture may be worth a thousand words, I’ll take the words every chance I get..
It dawned on me a long time ago, just how much work I have to do. I’m fixating on the sundries, too, like maps and calendar and coats of arms which is only serving to increase my work load, but i find those are often some of the most enjoyable parts.
To the point though, some of the first changes made their way in comment form onto my manuscript today, which marks the beginning of what proves to be a very, very long process; deletions and amendments, new chapters, cutting some scenes and embellishing others, making (what I expect to be) extensive notes, grammar of course, syntax and lexical choice where necessary, new scenes for character development, some scenes even for characters that are ultimately going to meet untimely deaths and who knows what else. There’s so much to do.
I’ve been dreading it for some time, doubting whether or not I have the organisational capacity to keep track of all the threads and ensure they are tied up neatly, as well as remembering where, and trying to figure out where else I need to develop plot and thread points. On and on and on, the list just keeps trundling on.
All we can do is keep pushing forwards.